O, Saviour
by lifeisclockwork
Summary: Sick and tired of being manipulated and treated like the Golden Boy, Harry spends the summer experimenting and discovering a side to humanity he had never seen before. After a life shattering tragedy, changed and cynical of the magical world, Harry returns to Hogwarts a different boy. You'll have to read it to believe it. (Dark!Angsty!Harry, Will not follow HBP)
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Harry Potter franchise or books. All belongs to the holy creator and God, J.K. ROWLING. If I did own it however, I wouldn't be sitting here in a shitty house living off two dollar pasta every night. I would probably be in Canada, playing with my many grizzly bear pets and flying around the mountiains in my personal helicopter, while sipping $5000 champagne and doing acid in Rio with my personal butler gimp. **

**-sighs-**

Harry Potter pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it. He watched the muggle girl run across the park with a toy pram, the plastic baby bouncing in its seat with a frozen smile. Harry smiled and leaned back on the bench, resting his head against the hard wood. It had been a few months now since he was possessed by Voldemort and it had changed him. The anger had died down to something of a plateau of depression and apathy and the Daily Prophet only sent his mood spiraling whenever Hedwig delivered them to him. He had taken to throwing the newspaper into his overflowing bin after a quick, scathing glance over the contents, and only waited eagerly for word from Ron and Hermione.  
Harry finished his cigarette and dropped it on the grass, crushing it under his heel. He frowned as he thought of Dumbledore. After becoming possessed by Voldemort, Harry had come to the startling realisation of how he had been used and manipulated by the old wizard. Of course Dumbledore had always been a source of comfort for Harry, a father figure almost. However, his faith and admiration for the wizard only made him blind to Dumbledore's manipulation.  
Harry also realised how idiotic the magic world could be. Everyone saw everything as only black and white. No shades of grey in between. If you weren't a light wizard, you were dark. And if you weren't a dark wizard, you were light. And if you were enemies, you had to finish each other off. No compromise whatsoever.  
He was sick of it. He was sick of being everybody's "saviour", their puppet hero, destined to destroy Voldemort. He just wanted to be a teenager. Find a girlfriend or a boyfriend; smoke and drink and do drugs; have sloppy sex in the Room of Requirement; pass and fail in school and stress over the exams. Harry wanted a normal, wizard's life. But if he couldn't do it in the magic world, he'd make damn sure he'd do it in the muggle world. He didn't know if he was going to survive or die, now that Voldemort had returned, so Harry wanted to live and experience as much as he could as a teenager.  
And he had started off with a bang.  
First, the sex. He had made friends with a bunch of local teenagers who were what Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon would call "freaks" and "hoodlums". But to Harry, they were a gateway to normalcy. With them he found sexual freedom. He lost his virginity to a foul mouthed, life loving raven haired girl and experienced something entirely different with a sandy haired boy with soft, brown eyes.  
And then, the substances. Drugs, booze, smokes. Entirely different from magic substances. While magic substances were limited and harmless to the body, muggle substances were many and some were extremely harmful, potentially fatal. This gave Harry a thrill like no magic substance could give him. It was a beautiful self destruction that was physical, tactile, and abstract at the same time.  
From those glorious months of experimentation and discovery, Harry had learned more than he ever had from Hogwarts. He had come away more cynical, scathing, free-thinking, and rebellious. He wasn't going to be the Golden Boy any longer. Harry Potter was ready to "fuck shit up".

_-More of an introduction if anything. Please R+R if you'd like to see more updates. :]  
_Signing off: **Yuki. xox**


	2. Chapter 2

It was already sunset by the time Harry roused himself off the park bench. The park was empty now and the weather had become chilly. The raven haired boy wrapped his oversized jacket around himself and pulled the hood on, hiding his face, as he slowly ambled towards Privet Drive.

He pulled out another cigarette and smoked it as he scrolled down the phonebook in his mobile. His finger hovered over Nate's number. Blowing a stream of smoke out the side of his mouth, Harry pushed down on the call button and raised the mobile to his ear.

After a few rings a groggy voice answered.

_Harry?_

"Hey Nate, did I wake you?"

_No, I'm just a little baked. What's up?_

Harry paused and pulled on his cigarette. Drops of rain started to hit the pavement in front of him and he shivered, folding his free arm around his front.

"Did you want to hang out? I don't really feel like heading back home," he admitted.

_Sure thing mate. Just pop round. I'm in the den. _

Harry smiled. "Thanks Nate. I'll see you soon."

He hung up, shoving the mobile deep in his jean pocket, and he spun around, walking in another direction with purposeful strides. He was just glad he didn't have to spend another night in the Dursley household. The less time he spent there, the better it was for all of them.

Nate was Harry's first male lover, experienced and gentle. He was the one who introduced Harry to the rest of the gang, helping him up after Dudley and his friends beat him up in the park one afternoon. Bleeding and furious, Harry had startled the gentle boy, but after quickly realising Nate meant no harm, he lowered his guard and soon found a new friend.

It was pouring by the time Harry arrived at Nate's house, and he wished he was of legal age so that he could use a heating spell on his clothes. Nate answered the door, his grin lopsided and his eyes heavy lidded. The smell of pot overpowered Harry as he stepped inside, but he didn't mind - he liked the smell.

Dripping water on the carpet, Harry followed Nate to the basement, where the giant bongs and couches were set up. Denna was sprawled across one of the couches, her auburn hair splayed across the scratchy material like a silken fan. She smiled sleepily at Harry as he entered.

"Harry," she whispered.

Nate laughed quietly and sat next to her on the couch, pulling her legs onto his lap. He reached around the back of the couch with a gangly arm and threw a towel at Harry.

"You'll catch a cold," Nate drawled.

Harry rubbed the towel through his dripping hair and he wiped his glasses.

"Thanks," he grinned.

He sat down across the coffee table, facing the two lovers and reached for the bong. Despite the fact that Nate was Harry's first male lover, Denna became a firm friend. In fact, she was the type of girl to encourage experimental relations, being bi-curious herself.

"So where did you go last night? I thought you were staying here," Denna asked, her glazed eyes focusing on Harry with difficulty.

Harry packed the mix into the cone and ripped it quickly, feeling the heavy smoke burn his throat. He put the bong down and leaned back against the wall, making small smoke balls in the air. Denna and Nate stared at them, open mouthed.

"I don't remember last night," Harry finally replied. "I think Cassie might have slipped something in my drink."

Nate grinned. "Did she rape you?"

Harry rolled his eyes and lit a cigarette. "I don't think so. I think we just ran into the park and played on the playground."

"You think?"

"As I said, I don't remember. Just bits and pieces here and there," Harry squinted and pointed at his head.

"I woke up on the slide this morning. Drenched," he continued.

Nate snorted. "Well you're still drenched."

Harry shrugged and pulled at his wet clothes. "I'm used to it," he said shortly.

They stayed in the basement for the rest of the evening, becoming increasingly stoned and watching silly cartoon programmes on the television. Denna ended up falling into a stoned slumber on the couch, and Harry and Nate went up to the kitchen to make some munchy food.

The house was left to Nate after his grandfather passed away, prompting him to move out of his family home and begin an independent life. Ofcourse, the real reason for him to move out was so that he could have parties and do drugs more freely. At eighteen, Nate was a lot older than Harry, but mentally he was still a child. A wild one at that.

Harry gazed at Nate as he sat on top of the kitchen counter, swinging his legs. The blonde was staring at the microwave intently, struggling with the timer, his eyes narrowed and his teeth nibbling his lower lip. He had had sex with Nate yes, but the older boy was more like a brother if anything. He felt comfortable around Nate, though not comfortable enough to tell him about the magical world. It was the only thing he kept from the boy. Other than that though, he spilled everything to Nate. About the abuse at home, about his frustrations, his insecurities, his fears. His dreams. Nate would only listen with a serious expression on his face and let Harry rant and rave, not interrupting him until after. Without him, Harry thought he would have gone insane this summer.

In a way though, he already was.

"Okay," Nate straightened up, a victorious expression etched across his face. "In two minutes, we shall have piping hot pizza!"

Harry grinned. "We could have eaten it cold."

"Cold?" A horrified look. "A pizza must be eaten hot. With the cheese melting. That is the only way, Harry. Remember this."

Putting on a somber face, Harry nodded and jumped off the counter.

They ate the pizza outside on the porch behind the house. They watched the rain silently and the setting sun cast a bloody glow around the trees dripping water in the yard. Harry put down his pizza and lit a cigarette, craving a beer.

"You go back to school in a week, don't you?" Nate suddenly said, breaking the silence.

Harry nodded, blowing out smoke and running a hand through his hair.

"Why do you go to boarding school? You should ask your aunt and uncle if you can come to my school. Everyone goes there. Denna, Rache, Paul, Tee-man, Will. It'd be great!"

Harry stayed silent for a while, trying to imagine life in the muggle world when all his wizarding friends attended Hogwarts. It would be strange but peaceful. No magic would be a definite handicap though. Over the past five years, Harry had become so used to magic that when he was back in the muggle world he would forget that he would have to do some things manually. His mouth quirked at a distant memory.

"Well?" Nate asked, still waiting for an answer.

Harry sighed and shook his head. "I can't. I have to go to this one. It was the school my parents wanted me to go to. So, I have to carry out their final wishes." In a way, this was true.

Nate nodded and leant back in his chair, popping the last of the now cold pizza in his mouth.

Harry finished the rest of his cigarette in brooding silence.

When he returned to Hogwarts, everyone was in for an unpleasant surprise.

_Too slow? Too fast? Not coherent/smooth enough? Lemme know._

_Signing off. _**Yuki.**


	3. Chapter 3

He woke up groggy.

Last night, Nate had pulled out a bottle of whiskey and they had drunk half the bottle, becoming increasingly drunk and high while Denna slept in the basement. Suffice to say, they ended up making out on the living room floor, something that Harry knew Denna would have been annoyed about - but only because she would have wanted to watch them at it. Denna could be a pervert at times.

Harry rolled over on the living room couch and yawned, checking his mobile for the time. It was almost noon. He groaned, knowing that Aunt Petunia would be irritated that he was not at home to do the daily chores. Standing up was a struggle as the room spun a little and he had to steady himself on the wall before finding his legs.

He shuffled into the kitchen and got himself a glass of water, downing it in a few greedy gulps. He said a silent goodbye to Nate, who was passed out on the floor with drool pooling on the carpet, before quietly leaving the house.

Outside, the weather was warm, and the sky was clear after the overnight shower. Old couples and mothers slowly ambled down the sunny streets, making sidelong glances at Harry's messy appearance. He ignored them and walked towards Number 4 Privet Drive.

He lit his morning cigarette and smoked it silently as he walked, thinking about Hogwarts and his friends. He wondered how Hermione and Ron would react to the changes in him. He grimaced. They probably wouldn't be too happy in the new Harry. Neville and Luna on the other hand would be accepting as they always have been. In a way, outcasts at Hogwarts seemed to always stick together.

He then wondered how much muggle drugs he would need to last him through the year at school.

Probably a fuck ton.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, feeling the length. His hair had grown down to his shoulders by now, as he was not bothered by his appearance anymore. He had also taken to wearing a lot of black, something Nate and Denna introduced him to, and the gang had a common taste in trenchcoats. Harry pulled up his hoodie, hiding his eyes from the blazing sun.

He had a lot of preparations to do before leaving for school.

-hp-

Uncle Vernon was at work, as always, and Dudley was out, probably with his idiot gaggle of friends, beating up some poor kid. Aunt Petunia was in the kitchen, cleaning the counters and washing the dishes, her face pinched in irritation.

Harry swallowed and tried to quietly walk up to his room but Petunia had ears like a wolf.

"You!"

He froze on the stairs and slowly turned around, seeing Petunia standing at the bottom of the stairs with her hands on her hips.

"Where were you last night?" she asked, her face crumpled in disgust.

"I was out," Harry replied shortly, his face blank.

"Out? Out where? With those freaky, druggy kids again, I suspect?" she spat.

Harry clenched his teeth. "What do you want?" he asked monotonously.

Petunia's mouth opened in anger, her nostrils flaring.

"Clean the kitchen," she snapped. "I'm a busy woman. I have to go out."

"Clean it yourself. It's not I eat here anyway."

"You will do as you're told! Such insolence! After all that I've done for you!"

Harry stalked upstairs, ignoring her.

"You come down here and do as you're told!"

"Fuck you," Harry called back over his shoulder.

He heard a stifled gasp and the scurrying of feet. His aunt was probably hurrying into the living room to call Vernon about his "insolence". Harry snorted and went into his room, slamming the door shut.

He threw himself onto his messy bed and closed his eyes, suppressed rage bubbling under his skin. He pulled out his mobile and checked for messages. None.

Hedwig cooed in her cage.

"Oh shit. Sorry Hedwig!"

Harry jumped up and let Hedwig out, opening the window wide enough for her small body to squeeze through.

"Go to Ron and Hermione while you're out, okay? See if they have anything for me," he told her softly, and she pecked him in reply before spreading her wings and flying off into the stretch of blue sky.

Harry watched her longingly until she disappeared into the clouds.

-hp-

"You will not leave your room until you leave for school, do you understand me boy?"

Harry ground his teeth together.

"You can't make me stay in my room. I'll leave as I always do," he hissed.

Vernon's face darkened and he grabbed Harry's wrist, wrapping his meaty fingers around it in a steel like grip. Harry winced.

"How dare you insult Petunia after everything she's done to take care of you! You, boy, will do as you're told. Or you won't be going that freaky school of yours. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, BOY?"

"FUCK. YOU," Harry spat, his face splitting into a manic grin.

Dudley shrieked with laughter as Vernon swung a first at Harry, hitting the boy's face with immense force. Harry's head snapped back as he felt what seemed like a concrete block connecting with his face and he hit the wall, sliding down onto the floor in a daze.

"Now," Vernon smiled, "do we have an understanding?"

Harry clutched his face, his head pounding and his eyes watering. He glared up at the big man defiantly.

"No. I'm out of here. I don't need this. Fuck you and that bitch. I don't need to be around assholes like you anymore."

What happened next even surprised Dudley, who fell into a shocked silence.

Vernon's eyes glazed over as he grabbed Harry by his hair, pulling him up to his feet. Harry clenched his teeth in pain as Vernon dragged him into the hallway, pushing him against the wall with such force that it bruised the boy's back. He saw white light as Vernon punched him again in the face, kneeing him in the stomach and hitting his head against the wall so that plaster fell into his hair.

After a few more punches and kicks, Vernon threw him into the cupboard under the stairs and slammed the door shut, locking it.

Harry lay in the darkness, dazed and pain throbbing everywhere. He gasped for breath and none came. Feeling wetness on his face, Harry silently sobbed into the stifling air of his old bedroom, before passing out into blissful unconsciousness.

_Sorry if it doesn't flow that well. I always write this when I'm feeling really slow - i.e. my brain sometimes goes on 'Scattered Mode' - so some descriptions and sequences in this may be erratic and strangely worded._

Anyway, thanks for all the reviews, follows, and favourites guys. I really appreciate this as this is my first HP fanfic story. Also, spelling might be odd to you guys as I am using UK spelling rather than US (so Savior is spelt Saviour in my country - which is Australia).

Anyway, next chapter we will be seeing more of Harry's muggle friends before going off to Hogwarts! Exciting! And maybe a sex scene between Nate and Harry. Who knows.

Another brief note: After a few more chapters I might not be able to update until a week or two later since I am flying around New Zealand then going up to Queensland. So please be patient with me! I will try to update as soon as I can. I'll try give u a few more longer chapters to keep you going though. :]

Thanks for everything. Remember R+R if you want more updates coming along!

_Signing off, _**Yuki.**


	4. Chapter 4

Harry's eyes fluttered open. Instantly, he wished he didn't.

Everywhere, his body throbbed intensely with hot pain, his head being the worst. He could feel dried blood crusted on his face and he winced as he held a hand to the bruises forming over his right eye.

He struggled up into a sitting position and hit his head on the top of the tiny cupboard. When he had been younger, this room seemed big enough for his tiny body. Now though, he had grown too tall for it.

A timid tapping on the door reminded Harry of why he woke up.

"What?" he said hoarsely.

He heard a scraping as the lock was drawn back and the door opened to show a very frightened Dudley blinking at him.

Harry looked away, feeling anger and shame.

"The hell do you want?" he muttered darkly.

Dudley audibly swallowed. "I just...I just wanted to know if you were okay," the big boy said in a small voice.

Harry's head snapped around to face the boy, pure shock etched across his bruised and bloody face.

Dudley was concerned about him? Was he dreaming?

"Uh..." Harry said awkwardly, "I'll be fine."

Dudley shifted on his feet and Harry saw the boy's fat fingers twisting into his t-shirt, nervously.

"Why would you care anyway?" Harry asked dully.

Dudley shrugged. "I don't care," he said softly. "I just...I've never seen dad freak out like that before."

Gathering courage, Dudley looked up at Harry, his eyes frightfully wide.

"I don't think he should have beat you up," he said loudly. "But you should have kept your mouth shut. You know it's no good to make him angry like that."

Harry snorted. "Yeah so this is my fault I got beat up?"

"No! I mean..I don't know."

"You know Dudley, I'm used to it by now. I've been beaten up by you and your stupid gang for years now."

"But we don't beat you like this! This is..." Dudley's voice wavered, his eyes taking in Harry's injuries. "This is too much."

Harry's mouth fell open. "So there is a decent person somewhere in there," he joked faintly.

Dudley smiled half-heartedly.

"You should leave," he said, standing back. "Dad's gone out golfing with some work mates but he'll be back soon."

Harry scrambled out, his body stiff and shrieking with pain, but he ignored his injuries as the prospect of freedom was more urgent.

"What about your mum? She'll have a heart attack if she finds you helping me."

Dudley rolled his eyes. "She's out shopping."

Harry grinned painfully, wincing at the bruises on his face and he headed to his room to pack his trunk.

"Thanks Big D," he called over his shoulder. He could almost feel Dudley grinning.

This alliance with Dudley seemed surreal to Harry, but he didn't have time to ponder too long on it. He had to pack his trunk and get the hell away from here.

As he packed, he thought about all the times he had almost ran away, but he had always been either too lazy to pack or had been too stoned to do anything more than fantasising about leaving the house for good.

Now though, he had good reason and motivation to finally run away. Vernon would not hurt him again. Ever.

He knew Dumbledore would disapprove. He could hear the old wizard now, telling him that nowhere else was safe from Voldemort. That the Dursley household was protected.

But Harry didn't care. He was unsafe here now too. Better out there where he was free than in here, being imprisoned and beaten and abused.

Better to face Voldemort then to never know life.

Harry finished packing quickly and he scoured the room one last time for any belongings he may have forgotten. Finally, pulling the heavy trunk after him, Harry struggled down the stairs and to the front door. Dudley was waiting for him there, scuffing the carpet with his shoe and looking anxious.

"I'll tell them you used your...your magic to get out," the big boy said.

Harry leant against the trunk, panting slightly. "Thanks Dudley." He paused. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

Dudley shrugged. "I guess seeing dad hurt you like that snapped me out of it. I'm over being a dickhead to you." The boy opened the front door for Harry. "Won't be seeing you again, anyway."

Harry nodded his thanks and pulled his trunk after him out the door. He glanced back at Dudley who smiled grimly at him before closing the door shut. Sighing, Harry set off towards the only home away from Hogwarts he knew.

Nate's house.

-hp-

"Shit, sit down. Lemme take a look at you."

Harry obliged and sat on the lidded toilet seat, wincing as Denna ran her cool fingers over his face. Nate hovered by the bathroom door, looking anxious and disgusted.

"Your uncle did this to you?" the blond boy asked.

"Yeah," Harry replied dully.

He closed his eyes as Denna cleaned the blood off his face with a wet towel.

When she started to clean his cuts, Harry wished for the hundredth time that he was allowed to use magic out of school. A healing spell would have been incredibly helpful - and less painful - right now.

When she finished cleaning his face, Denna straightened up with a stern look on her face.

"Is there anywhere else?" she asked, her eyes sliding down to Harry's torso.

He shook his head. "It's just a bit of bruising. I don't think he broke any ribs or anything."

The girl's mouth twisted into an angry frown and Harry could see she was struggling to contain her rage. He stood up quickly and thanked her, asking the couple to leave so he could use the toilet.

Grudgingly, they did as they were asked and soon, Harry was left by himself in the cold bathroom.

He sent to the sink and looked in the mirror.

The whole right side of his face was covered in shocking bruises and cuts, his eye half closed and swollen. His bottom lip was split but already scabbing. Harry ran his hand through his hair so that his bangs hid the worst of the bruising. He then lifted his shirt to inspect the damage on his torso. Angry black and purple bruises marred his entire chest and stomach, making him hiss and wince. He lowered his shirt and stared at himself.

Resigned green eyes glared back at him.

-hp-

He found Nate and Denna struggling to pull his large trunk into the spare bedroom, looking strangely comical.

Grinning, he took the trunk from them and it smoothly followed him into the room.

Afterwards, they sat in the basement, smoking a joint and drinking strong coffee, as Harry told them what had transpired that afternoon.

"Of course you can stay here until school starts," Nate said, after Harry finished talking.

"I won't be around though. I need to go visit my grandparents before I go back to London," Denna said, looking crestfallen.

"London?" Harry asked.

"I do a design course there."

"Oh..wow."

Nate grinned and hugged Denna to his chest. "Yeah, my girl's the smart one of the gang. She's the only one who got into university you know."

Denna laughed. "You're intelligent Nate. You're just too lazy to study."

Nate nodded in agreement and took the joint from Denna.

"So what's your school like Harry?" Denna asked.

Harry shifted on the couch and played with Denna's sleeve, thinking of a reply.

"It's a special school I guess," he said finally.

"Special? Like for geniuses?"

Harry laughed and shook his head. "I don't really know how to explain it," he confessed.

Denna smiled and took the joint from Nate. She passed it to Harry who accepted it gratefully.

"That's alright. I'm sure you have your reasons for being so mysterious," she grinned slyly.

Harry rolled his eyes and toked from the joint, his body visibly relaxing in relief.

"I'm afraid my friends won't recognise me though," he said softly.

"Why's that? If they are your friends they should be accepting right?" Nate said.

"People at my school...I guess they are pretty sheltered from the muggle-" Harry stopped short, slightly mortified. "I mean...this sort of life."

"You mean they don't party at your school?" Nate asked, looking horrified.

"They do. But not as much as here."

"Man, that sounds boring."

Harry let his head fall back against the couch and he passed the joint back to Denna.

"Yeah, I guess it is...boring," he said, with a smile.

-hp-

"Harry."

Vernon was hitting him, smacking his head against the wall.

"Harry."

Then Vernon turned into Voldemort who raised his wand at Harry.

Green light.

"Harry! Wake up!"

His scar seared with pain, and he screamed as green light consumed him, making his body convulse and twitch in agony.

"HARRY!"

Harry jolted awake, a hand urgently shaking his shoulder. He blinked and Nate's pale face swam into view.

"Nate?"

The blond boy sagged in relief and he grinned weakly.

"You were having a nightmare," he told Harry.

"Oh."

Harry struggled to sit up and he winced, clutching a hand to his scar as it throbbed.

"Is it your scar?"

"What?" Harry asked, surprised.

Nate smiled and he raised his hand to Harry's sweaty forehead. Gently, he pushed Harry's hand aside and brushed back his damp fringe to reveal the lightning bolt scar.

"I've seen it a few times but strangely, I felt like I shouldn't ask you about it," the boy said softly, his brown eyes studying the scar.

Harry swallowed and felt his body trembling.

"It's beautiful," Nate said finally, sitting back.

Harry frowned and wiped his face on his sleeve. "You're the first," he muttered darkly.

Suddenly, he felt Nate wrap his arms around his trembling body, soft lips pressing against his and he fell back on the bed, shocked.

"Nate, what-?"

"Shh," the boy smiled. Harry watched him with wide eyes as he pulled off his shirt, revealing pale glowing skin. Harry swallowed as Nate leaned forwards, gently tugging on Harry's shirt.

"Take it off," Nate whispered, his eyes half lidded with lust.

Blushing furiously, Harry obliged and soon he sat half naked in bed with Nate.

A gently, cool hand ran down Harry's chest, outlining the bruises marring his skin, and Nate's eyes glazed over in rage. Harry grabbed Nate's hand and pulled him closer, pressing his mouth against the blond's.

Nate moaned against Harry's mouth, his eyes watering in desperation.

"Harry..."

"I think we should switch places," Harry whispered. "That way you won't be pressing down on my bruises."

Nate pursed his lips as he nodded, still obviously angry about the beating.

Soon, Harry was straddling Nate, both naked, and he left a trail of wet kisses down Nate's stomach until he reached the boy's stiff member. He licked the oozing precum and Nate moaned softly, desperate for more contact.

Finally, after teasing Nate for a bit, Harry took the member into his mouth and started sucking on it as if he was hungry, his own member becoming stiff with need.

"Oh shit Harry, you suck like a fucking whore!" Nate groaned, laughing breathlessly.

Harry grinned, cock still in his mouth, and he bobbed his head up and down a few more times before letting Nate go.

He lay on his back beside Nate and, taking the cue, Nate reached over and licked Harry's member, the small wet tongue sliding down the shaft of his cock making Harry shudder with pleasure.

Nate's lips enveloped Harry into a cave of warm flesh and saliva and he clenched his teeth and closed his eyes as Nate suck him off, his tongue running in circles and swirling around the shaft of Harry's cock as he sucked.

Finally, both boys were as stiff as they could get, precum oozing from both of their members.

"I'll be on top," Nate said.

Harry nodded in agreement, flushed and gasping.

Crouching on all fours, Harry waited for Nate to enter him, his body screaming in agony and pleasure, making him almost wild with sensory overload.

"Ready?" Nate asked, positioning his cock at Harry's entrance.

"Just fuck me already!" Harry gasped.

Grinning, Nate shoved his member into Harry's ass, making Harry clench his teeth in pain and pleasure.

The walls in Harry's ass stretched painfully, squeezing Nate's cock as he fucked him, pulling out slowly and slamming back in with force. After a few times of this, Nate finally set up a rhythm balls slapping against Harry's thighs as he fucked him, and Harry rocked backwards and forwards with the motion, his eyes closed and his mouth open as he lost himself to bliss.

A hand snaked around to Harry's front and started moving up and down the shaft of his cock, in time to the fucking, and soon both boys were ready to climax, sweat dripping off their bodies and the sounds of their moans and gasps filling the dark room.

"I'm..about...to...cum..." Nate growled between clenched teeth, speeding up the rhythm He started fucking Harry with intense force, making Harry steady himself against the headboard of the bed with both hands.

"Fuck me harder," Harry gasped. "I'm about to...cum...as...well..."

Harry's body started shaking as Nate sped up, his cock now burning in his ass as he pulled in and out and Nate's hand sped up as well, mixing sweat and oozing cum over Harry's straining member.

With a few more hard thrusts, Nate came, screaming hoarsely as he emptied himself into Harry's ass. The throbbing and bursts of cum in Harry's ass made him cum as well, making him scream out in release as Nate's hand rubbed harder, spurts of cum and semen splashing against the pillow and the headboard. Bucking in wild pleasure and release, Harry clenched his teeth, his cock spasming and his body trembling as rolls of heat flushed through his body.

Finally, Harry collapsed on the bed, gasping and trembling. Nate slowly pulled out of him and he turned Harry over, lying down next to him and kissing him gently.

They lay there for a while, kissing and wrapping their arms around each other, basking in the afterglow of the wild fuck.

Harry closed his eyes and smiled, feeling Nate's hand brushing sweaty strands of hair from his forehead.

He was glad to have lost himself in Nate. It meant he could forget about Vernon and Hogwarts and Voldemort. It meant he could forget he had the burden of the world on his shoulders. It meant he could be a normal, teenage boy.

Even if it was for one blissful moment.

_First sex scene I've written. EVER. Was pretty difficult to do as I'm not a man who's ever had sex with a man. Girl on girl? EASY. Man on man? Well...  
_

_So I took stories of sexual encounters from my many gay male friends and did what I could with the information I had. Hope this is accurate. And if it's not, then I'm very sorry. _

_But dick and me DO NOT GET ALONG._

_Anyway, I hope it wasn't too bad. But still, c'mon guys. I GAVE YOU TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY. o_o_

_So show me some love, eh?_

_R+R as always. Thank you all who have reviewed so far. It's not that hard. See, FF has made it easy for you guys to review. All you have to do with type in the box down below and press ENTER (pr send, or whatever.)_

_Anyway, thanks for reading guys._

_Next chapter we see Harry's final days with Nate and Denna and you'll get to meet the rest of the gang at a mad party. Something terrible happens then which makes Harry into something alot worse. Any clues as to what happens?_

_Till then._

_Signing off, _**Yuki.**


	5. Chapter 5

The next four days went past in a blur of sex, drugs, and alcohol. Denna had left in a quite a hurry the morning after the incident with Uncle Vernon, and in the dark early hours, she kissed Harry and Nate goodbye as they lay groggy and dazed in their beds and swiftly left the house.

Alone together, Harry grew closer to Nate, physically and emotionally, and soon talks of coming back to live in this house after the school year began to pop up.

Ofcourse, Harry was overexcited at the prospect.

But with Hogwarts looming, he began to feel nervous, drowning his anxiety in whiskey and beer every night. He didn't unpack his trunk as he knew he would be leaving soon.

So on the fifth day, hungover and grizzled, Nate came up with a brilliant idea.

Harry was getting high in the lounge room, watching a kids cartoon when Nate came ambling in, drinking a big bottle of water. He sat down heavily next to Harry and took the bong from him.

"You look like shit," Harry commented dryly, watching Nate rip the bong.

"Thanks," Nate wheezed, slowly blowing out the thick, acrid smoke.

"What are we watching?" Nate asked, setting down the bong.

"Uh...Not too sure. A shitty cartoon."

"Okay." A pause. "Hey, I was thinking..."

Harry looked at Nate. "Yeah?"

"I think we should have a party. You know a little get together before you leave tomorrow."

Harry smiled and stretched, feeling the blood flow wake him up a little.

"I'd like to see the rest of the gang, yeah," he murmured.

Nate grinned and pulled out his mobile. "I'll call everyone now."

-hp-

Harry had pulled on a clean long sleeved shirt and some jeans before the first person arrived. He and Nate had taken a shower together earlier, something Harry knew would have enraged Denna that she had missed the event.

Soon though, as the sky grew dark, a loud knock came from the front door, and Harry untangled himself from Nate's arms to answer it.

A tall, pink haired girl stood in the doorway with a black haired boy with a lip piercing. Rache squealed as Harry opened the door and she hugged him tightly. Will just gave him a lopsided grin as he walked past them and into the house, hugging a huge bag of alcohol to his chest.

Soon Paul, a serious, brown haired boy with large glasses and a trenchcoat; Tee-man, aka Timmy, a flamboyant boy who liked to flirt with Harry for kicks; and Cassie, a quiet oriental girl with a constant sneer on her face, stampeded into the house with booze and drugs, already under various substances.

Within the hour of everyone arriving, the gang was steadily going through the alcohol, doing shots off the kitchen counter and dancing to the muggle radio. Harry, unfamiliar with the music, sat on the couch in the lounge room, watching his friends dance and sing drunkenly with a silly grin plastered across his face.

Tee-man sat down next to Harry, panting and sweating, and he threw an arm around his shoulders.

"Now, Harry," Tee-man sang, "do I need to kick the shit out of the person who gave you that impressive black eye?"

Harry laughed and shook his head. "No thank you, Tee. I'll be fine."

"Alright. Just offering."

Tee-man reached deep into his pocket and produced a small grammy bag.

"Now, speaking of offering...would you like a tab? I got several off my dealer for a great price."

Harry had never tried acid, but hearing about the amazing high the drug produced had made him curious to try it for a long while now. He nodded eagerly and Tee-man opened the bag, reached in with his finger and came away with a small square of white paper.

Seductively, Tee-man slid his finger into Harry's mouth and placed the tab on his tongue.

"Give it twenty minutes. Don't drink anything until it kicks in," the boy told him.

Harry nodded once again and sat back, rolling the tab around in his mouth. It had a slight bitter taste but it wasn't unpleasant.

"Hey I was meaning to ask," Harry said suddenly. "Do you think I can stock up on some substances for school?"

Tee-man grinned. "What would you like?"

"Several tabs of acid, four ounces of pot, and maybe three or four grams of speed?"

Tee-man raised his eyebrows. "And how are you going to pay for all of this? That's easily one and half thousand!"

Harry smiled, thinking of the galleons he had exchanged into muggle dollars from Gringotts. "I have money," he said vaguely.

Tee-man gave him a strange look and shrugged. "Sure thing. I guess you need it by tomorrow morning, before you leave?"

"Yes please."

"Okay. It's a little late notice, but I'll call around. See what I can do."

"Thanks Tee," Harry said gratefully.

-hp-

He didn't know where he was.

He was walking down the dark road with Nate, their hands clasped together, as they ambled down the silent street.

He clearly remembered the last few hours, but all of it seemed like a dream to him now. Now, now was all that mattered.

The moon was spiraling in the sky, casting a strange purple glow over all the trees. The trees themselves looked orange and cartoonish, as if he had stepped into a dark, twisted, picture book. He was grinning like an idiot, enjoying the orgasmic sensations in his body, as well as the visuals which were almost overwhelming him.

Swaying slightly, he waved his hand in front of his eyes and laughed at the hand trails. He turned to look at Nate who was also watching his own hand trails. Acid was fun.

It was a strange sensation of being insanely aware of his own existence, of his surroundings, and yet not being aware of himself at all. He dipped in and out of awareness as he ambled down the road and he dimly remembered talking to Nate about his anxieties.

"...so I'm not too sure if I should be who everyone wants me to be...I mean, that's not being selfish is it..? It's fucking with my head, Nate."

"No, I think it's selfish of them to want you to be someone you're not. Screw them, Harry. You don't need to be pushed around by them or live up to their standards. Who are you trying to impress?"

Harry frowned and silently watched a white rabbit made of melting wax nibble at the pebbles on the sidewalk.

"Nobody," he finally said. He grinned maniacally and laughed, his voice high-pitched. "Nobody!"

Nate laughed along with him and they ran down the road, screaming and yelling in exultation as rain started to drizzle from the looming sky.

They finally came to rest at the park, and they lay on their backs, closing their eyes as the rain fell softly on their faces. Harry felt as if he was flying through Antartica, with tiny shards of ice bouncing off his face as he sped through the snow. He opened his eyes and felt slightly giddy headed as he watched the rain fall, feeling his body lift up off the ground.

"Harry," Nate murmured.

Harry giggled. "I feel like I'm floating. This shit is making me trip out so badly."

"Harry, you're not tripping out. You really are floating."

Harry's body jerked in shock and he crashed to the ground with a small yell.

He sat up and stared at Nate. He had given himself away. What to do?

"It's not the acid," Nate said slowly. "Is it?"

Harry stayed silent for a long while, struggling with his feelings before finally replying, "No."

Nate's body stiffened and he also sat up. They looked at each other.

"So," Nate said.

"So," Harry echoed.

"Are you going to tell me what the fuck is going on?"

Harry nodded and swallowed. "I'm not normal."

"I know that much," Nate said with a small smile.

Another long pause. "When I was eleven I found out I was a wizard."

Nate laughed. "You taking the piss?"

"No."

He stared at Harry.

"I can do magic. The school I go to? It's called Hogwarts. It's a school for people like me."

Nate turned away and held a hand to his eyes. "Stop fucking around with me."

Harry lay a hand on Nate's shoulder. "I'm telling the truth Nate. I know I should have said something from the very start. But I didn't want you to think I was a freak. I was afraid that maybe you wouldn't want to be my friend..."

"Stop it Harry."

"I'm telling the truth!"

"Then fucking prove it!" Nate yelled, spinning around to glare at Harry, his eyes blazing.

Harry faltered, taken aback at Nate's sudden mood change. "I-I can't. I'm not allowed to do magic outside of school.."

"Of course not," Nate said bitterly.

"Nate...I'm sorry...but you don't have to be so angry-"

"Do you know why I'm angry? My mother has been in and out of institutions because she has delusions of being a witch. She thinks she was supposed to go to that fucking Hogwarts place. Now I don't know how you found out, Harry, but I swear to god, if I find out who told you about my mother, I'll fucking kill them." A pause. "I never thought you could be so cruel." A heartbroken look.

Harry's mouth fell open. Nate's mother was a witch? Didn't that mean that Nate had magical blood as well? Then why was not in Hogwarts? He assumed it must have skipped some generations or lay dormant in the boy.

"Nate, your mother isn't insane. She is a witch! Look, I'm telling you the truth! I-"

Nate stood up abruptly and clenched his jaw. "Just shut the fuck up Harry. I don't know if you're just high and delusional, or if you're being an actual dickhead, but stay away from me."

Harry scrambled to his feet, heart in his mouth. His confession had proved to be a disaster. He had not counted on the shocking revelation about Nate's mother, but it had produced the most undesired reaction from the boy.

"Nate, just listen to me," he pleaded desperately. He clutched at the boy's sleeves, his pulse quickening and tears pricking his eyes.

"NO!" A flying fist and bone jarring pain.

Harry fell back onto the ground, clutching his face and blinded by pain. Nate stared at him, horrified, and he spun on his heels and ran.

-hp-

"Nate!"

"Just stay the fuck away from me!"

Harry struggled to keep up with Nate. The acid was making him see demons now and his anxiety was through the roof, but he wouldn't fall apart until he caught up with Nate. Until he tried to make Nate understand.

"Nate! Can you just stop for a minute?"

"I don't need this now. I need time to think! Leave me alone!"

Nate ran faster, fueled by the acid and the sudden revelation. Harry clenched his teeth and ran after him, blood roaring in his ears and his breath coming in pained gasps.

"Nate!"

They were approaching the house now, Placebo rattling the windows and laughter and smashing glass echoing out onto the cold, empty streets. Nate turned the corner and disappeared behind the trees lining the streets. Harry sped up in desperation when suddenly he heard a horn blasting and a bone crunching bang and the screech of tires and he knew, he suddenly, terrifyingly knew, that everything had stopped, that everything was gone, forever.

Nothing existed anymore.

_Not my best work. The last park with Nate and Harry was very difficult to write as I have a terrible headache as I'm writing this. So I apologise for the lack of coherency or quality in this chapter. Also, I apologise for the delay in updating tHis story. I just arrived at Queensland and had to recover from the aftermath of a crazy five-day bender (which gave me a weird illness) and travelling for so fucking long. Anyway, hope this wasn't too bad, and thanks for all the favourites and follows. _

_But remember, REVIEW :3 Seriously. they are like GOLD to me. Reviews keep me motivated to keep writing, so please, if you want to see this story progress and keep me updating, REVIEW. :3  
_

_Signing off,  
_**Yuki.**


	6. Chapter 6

He wasn't too sure how he ended up on Hogwarts Express. He had been in a silent daze since last night and the acid had not worn off as of yet. He felt hollow and numb and all he wanted to do was to get exceedingly drunk and pass out. Harry watched the countryside whip past the train window, his mind empty. He barely registered the carriage door opening.  
"Harry?"  
He knew who it was and he didn't bother replying. Instead, he reached into his pocket and drank out of a small flask.  
"Harry!"  
Why wouldn't they just leave him alone? He grudgingly turned away from the window and raised his eyebrows at the flushed brunette and the pale red head.  
"What do you want?"  
Taken aback, Hermione and Ron sat down on the seat across from him and stared at him with large, concerned eyes.  
"Harry, what happened to you? What happened to your eye?! We're sorry we didn't write (we sent Hedwig off to Hogwarts ahead of time obviously) but Professor Dumbledore forbade us! It's some nonsense about your security. We tried to get him to let you stay at the Burrow but he told us you were better protected where you were," Hermione rambled, distressed.  
"And you believed him?" Harry asked coldly.  
"We didn't know what to think, Harry!" Ron said, visibly upset.  
"Well then why didn't you come visit me?"  
Hermione and Ron exchanged looks, obviously struggling to answer his question.  
"Forget about it," Harry said, standing up.  
"Harry, please, we're sorry-" Hermione pleaded, her face blotchy and eyes teary.  
Ignoring her, Harry pulled the carriage door open and stepped out into the rowdy corridor, mindlessly walking with his head down and his hand wrapped firmly around his flask.

After the accident, Harry was forced to help the others hide the drugs as soon as the ambulance drove off, wailing into the night. The police came soon after and after several questions, they seemed satisfied that it was a standard hit and run and after getting the liscence plate number from Harry, they finally flipped shut their notepads and quickly searched the premises. Having found nothing, but also weary and impatient to finish their shifts, the police seemingly ignored the fact that the teens were all under a substance and left hastily. When the door clicked shut behind the policemen, everyone visibly relaxed, which in turn gave everyone the opportunity to succumb to their shock and distress. Rache, Paul, and Will decided to go to the hospital to check up on Nate, and Tee-man and Cassie tried to contact Nate's family. When they finally reached Denna, they left Harry alone at his request, only swayed by the fact that Denna was on the way to the house by taxi. Tee-man promised Harry that he would be over at the house early the next morning with the goods, knowing that he would need the substances now more than ever.  
Alone, Harry vomited in the kitchen sink and sunk down on the cold floor, sobbing. He could see Nate standing by the fridge, bloody and broken and staring down at his accusatory. Time and awareness dissipated as Harry spend the next eternity in a feverish, frenzied state, periodically falling silent under Nate's hard glare then breaking down and apologising to the phantom boy, weeping and pulling his hair in distress.  
He didn't know if Nate was dead or alive, but he felt as if it was he who had hit the boy with his car, the guilt burning his gut with hellish viciousness.  
Eventually, as the early hours of the morning dawned upon the delirious boy, Denna arrived at the scene and in tears, she fell upon her knees next to Harry and embraced him tightly, both staying in this position for the next hour or so, clutching onto each other in desperation.  
When the sun rose, Nate passed away from respiratory complications on the operating table.

So somehow, Harry found himself at Kings Cross. He vaguely remembered asking Tee-man for a lift after he, true to his word, came over to the house as soon as the news of Nate's death broke, with a bag full of the promised substances.  
Silent and subdued after a pale faced Denna told him the news, Tee-man gravely agreed to Harry's request, but drove off erratically as soon as Harry pulled his trunk out of the battered car. He didn't know why he still caught the Hogwarts Express after what had happened. His only guess was that subconsciously, he needed to get away from Nate's world. It was too raw for Harry. If anything, he was still shell shocked and numb. He couldn't take in the news that Nate was gone. It wasn't a refusal to accept the news. It was a physical and mental inability. A sort of impairment.  
So woefully impaired, Harry found himself shuffling towards the back of the train with his head down and his hand clasped firmly around his flask of vodka, unable to cope, but still able to find the energy to force down the impending scream that threatened to tear from his trembling lips.  
"Would you like to sit with me, Harry Potter?" a light, dreamy voice interrupted his chaotic thoughts.  
Harry''s head snapped up and his tired eyes met those of Luna Lovegood's, large and child-like. Knowing that Luna, of all his friends, was familiar to the concept to death as he was, he accepted her proposal with a relieved smile. The blonde girl smiled sleepily at Harry before taking his hand and pulling him into an empty carriage. Sitting back heavily, Harry let out a sigh of relief and watched Luna silently as she slid shut the carriage door and pulled down the blinds.  
He offered her a sip of vodka which, to his pleasant surprise, she accepted, and they passed the flask between themselves, taking shot after shot of the burning liquid until the whole flask stood empty. Slightly drunk, Harry brought his feet up onto the edge of the seat and wrapped his arms around his knees, watching Luna as she pulled out a pair of knitting needles and began knitting.  
"How long has it been?" she asked suddenly, not looking up from her work.  
Harry stared at her, unnerved and dismayed. Ofcourse she knew about Nate. Sometimes her uncanny intuition scared him.  
"You don't have to answer me ofcourse," she smiled, looking up at him with kind eyes, "but it helps to talk."  
Harry rest his chin on his knees and stared unsteadily at Luna's quick fingers as she knit. After a long silence he finally answered her questions.  
"Early this morning."  
"I'm sorry," Luna said abruptly. She stopped knitting and gazed at Harry sadly, taking his hands into hers. This sudden warm gesture took Harry by surprised, and he couldn't help the tears that fell from his eyes, rolling down his cheeks in quick succession as if he had sprung a leak. Normally, he would be embarrassed to cry in public, but this was Luna. He had always felt comfortable around her, almost as if she was his sister, if he ever had one.  
He told her of Nate and his summer, how they met and how he died. He told her about the sex, the drugs, the people. Silently, Luna listened to Harry, interrupting now and then whenever she heard an unfamiliar muggle term, but otherwise listening raptly and sympathetically. When the sun finally set, Harry had told Luna everything there was to tell, and he was mentally and physically exhausted. He remembered Luna embracing him as Denna had done on the kitchen floor, and he felt her soft lips pressing up against his right cheek before sleep took him.

He woke up gasping, sweat dripping into his eyes as the remnants of his dreams disappeared as fast as sleep. The dream was about Vernon beating him again, but the angry, purple faced man had quickly turned into a bloody and broken Nate who only beat Harry harder, his eyes hard and angry with rage. Needless to say, Harry was glad he couldn't remember the rest of the dream.  
After reassuring Luna he was fine, she left the carriage to let him get changed into his robes. Already in her robes, she airily told him she had changed in the carriage while he had been sleeping, and he blushed slightly.  
The train came to a slow halt as they pulled up at Hogwarts, and the usual chaos ensued. Luna and Harry opted for a peaceful exit and silently agreed to wait until everyone had left the train before getting off themselves.  
While Luna knitted while humming, Harry looked out of the window with a reproachful stare. After spending the whole summer with Nate and the gang, the magical world and Hogwarts seemed like a distant dream to him. But now, he couldn't tear the two worlds apart. He was bringing Nate's world into this world and he didn't know if he was doing the right thing. Thinking of the drugs Tee-man had supplied him, and the amount of alcohol he had smuggled into his trunk, he felt slightly reassured he wouldn't be going into this wholly unprepared. He would have liquid courage and powdered strength to help him through the year, and no amount of magic could replaced his beloved muggle substances.  
As he and Luna prepared to leave the carriage, Harry silently wondered if he wasn't subconsciously supplying himself for a slow suicide. But the sight of Hagrid's beaming face distracted him from the answer.

_Hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews! Actually, I just received one. Now I'm very grateful to Meiya for reviewing and ofcourse to the ten others who have also reviewed, but seriously guys, 1,810 people have read this odd piece of writing of mine and only 11 have had the decency to review! A writer can't improve (or become motivated to write another chapter) unless they get feedback! You guys thank Meiya for reviewing in any case. _If it wasn't for her/him I wouldn't have continued on with this story. _So with that whiny note, _**REVIEWS ARE MUCH NEEDED AND APPRECIATED**_.  
Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry if it's too short or incoherent (but how can I know what you guys think if you guys don't review?)_

Signing off,

_**Yuki. xox**_


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: A word on the time frame of this world- it's set in a modern time frame, not 96. Just to make things more accessible to the characters and so I can write about the time frame accurately since I was four years old in 1996.  
_

**-hp-_  
_**

Ron and Hermione were already at the Griffindor table, whispering to each other urgently when Harry arrived at the Great Hall with Luna at his side. He realised with a flare of anger that they were talking about him as Hermione nudged Ron after spotting Harry approaching the table. Neville was also sitting with them but he quickly moved to make room for Harry and Luna with a bright grin on his face. He ignored the hurt and shocked stares emitting from Ron and Hermione as he sat down next to Neville, leaving Luna to buffer the tension between the 'Golden Trio'.  
"Sitting with us tonight?" Harry asked Luna, mildly surprised.  
The blonde smiled at him knowingly. "The Ravenclaw table is boring. Thought I'd try something different," she said airily.  
He let out an amused breath through his nose.  
"Hello Harry!" Neville greeted him excitedly. "How was your summer?"  
Harry grimly smiled back. "It was alright thanks Neville. What about you?"  
"Gran bought me a whole lot of books on herbology! I spent all summer reading up on them. It's fantastic," the round faced boy said in a lowered tone, "that I can finally do something right!" His eyes glimmered and Harry felt a surge of fondness for him. He mustered up a weak grin and clapped a hand against Neville's back.  
"It's great, Neville. It really is," he said sincerely.  
The boy beamed at him and opened his mouth to say more but before he could, Dumbledore tapped his wand against his goblet to attract the attention of the hall for the sorting.  
Harry glared at the old wizard from under his bangs, unable to muster anymore than dull anger at the man. He was so exhausted and numb, he was surprised he could still feel anything. He ignored the sorting, unable to care anymore about the tired, archaic tradition of the place and instead pondered briefly on his actions against his two former best friends.  
He knew they really did care for him and their loyalty last year proved nothing but. However, seeing them again after everything he had experienced, Harry couldn't feel any connection, any happiness or glow at seeing his friends. Instead, all he could offer them was an empty stare and cold words and nothing more. He knew he was being entirely unfair and he knew his behaviour was troubling both of them deeply, but he couldn't find the energy to care anymore. He was shocked to discover that he really couldn't care less about Ron and Hermione anymore than he cared about Dumbledore. To his twisted and confused mind, those closest to him turned their backs on him the moment he stepped foot in the Dursley household at the start of summer. Harry grimaced as he thought perhaps the daily beatings and abuse from the Dursleys had instilled a greater damage than he could ever had imagined - hatred for everything and everyone.  
But now, bone weary, he couldn't hate. Only let the rage simmer slowly under his skin as he watched the start of year banquet unfold. He could only cast his eyes down in pure indifference as the glorified headmaster made his annual, grandeur speech. He could only stare at the food spread before him in absolute disinterest as the others ate heartily whilst chatting to each other loudly about their summers.  
As Harry Potter silently followed the rest of the Griffindors to the common room, it finally dawned on him that he wasn't even alive in this world anymore.  
Harry Potter died alongside Nate that nightmarish morning.  
This person, who seemed like a ghost to watching eyes, who walked over to Harry Potter's bed and lay down automatically like a robot, was a stranger.  
An imposter, who had quickly stolen the Boy-Who-Lived's life as quickly as Nate's spirit had left this earth.

**-hp-**

He opened his eyes slowly, blinking heavily while trying to remember where he was.  
"Nate?" he croaked, confused.  
He sat up and saw his surroundings more clearly. Then it hit him.  
The accident. Nate.  
Nate was-  
"-dead," Harry murmured.  
He closed his eyes briefly, struggling to control the violent surge of emotions before quickly reaching over to the bedside table and grabbing his phone. He switched it on and saw that he had ten missed calls and four new messages. All from Denna.  
He opened the first message with a trembling finger.  
_  
Harry, police here. They want to know where you've gone. They want to come get you for questioning bout Nate. On the other note, how are you? I miss you. x D_

Then the next one.

_Harry, I have to tell them something. They won't go away. D_

And the next.

_They are going away thank fuck. But they are coming back tomorrow. Tried calling you! Are you okay? I broke down after they left. I don't know if I can do this Harry._

Finally,

_Harry, I know you love Nate. I love Nate too. And you know what, I always loved you. I really did. Just never had the guts to say anything. I love you. Goodbye, Harry Potter. x D_

As soon as he finished reading Denna's last text, Harry bolted out of bed, heart in his mouth and dialled her number, cursing. He paced the empty dorm room, his face pale and sweaty, his eyes mad with fear. Finally, Denna answered her phone.

_Hello?_

"Denna!" Harry closed his eyes in relief and sunk heavily to the ground.

_It's Rache, Harry._

Harry blanched. "Where is she, Rache?"

_She's in hospital, Harry. Denna tried to...she tried to kill herself._

He closed his eyes, feeling as if somebody had kicked him in the stomach. "Is she..." he paused, afraid. "Is Denna..."

_She's alive. Luckily Tee-man popped round to see how she was doing. Found her just after she cut her wrists. He took her straight to the hospital so she's lucky, It could have been worse, _Rache breathed, stress envident in her voice.

"Fuck. Fuck!" Harry croaked, covering his eyes with a trembling hand. He took a deep breath.

_It's been hard for her, _she continued quietly. _The shock. And the loss,_

Harry swallowed thickly. "It's been hard for everyone," he whispered.

_Yeah. You should come to the hospital Harry. She'd want to see you._

_"_I don't know if I should," he said slowly. "Not just yet anyway."

_She just tried to kill herself for fucks sakes! _Rache yelled. Harry heard a sharp intake of breath. _Sorry, sorry. That was uncalled for. Do what you think is best then. I got to go Harry. I'll call you when she's awake. _A pause. _Hey, how you doing anyway?_

Harry shrugged then realised and said, "I'm okay. It hasn't sunk in yet I guess."

_Well, when it hits you, let it. And make sure you have someone you can talk to, _Rache advised him gently.

Another voice, presumably Will's called her name in the background._ Look, I got to go. Like I said, I'll call. Love you Harry.  
_  
"I love you too, Rache," Harry smiled.

He hung up, cradled his face in his hands, and he silently let the tears fall._  
_  
**  
-hp-**

By the time Harry arrived at the Great Hall, the tables were empty and students were already heading to their first classes. Hermione and Ron were at the Griffindor table, waiting for him. He decided to be civil to them this time, knowing he owed them much more.  
"Harry!" Hermione waved, looking slightly hesitant yet putting on a brave smile.  
Ron gave him a small smile as well, his eyebrows disappearing under his red bangs.  
Harry walked up to them silently and sat down on the bench facing the aisle, his back turned to both of them. Eventually, he turned around and gave them a tight lipped smile.  
"Morning," he said. "Is that my timetable?"  
Both of their faces melted into comical relief, thinking that his odd behaviour last night was temporary.  
"Yes," Hermione smiled, genuine this time. She handed him a piece of parchment and he glanced at it quickly, disinterested.  
"Seems like we have DADA together in an hour," Ron grinned. "Then it's potions later."  
"I won't be doing potions. I didn't reach Snape's standard for that," Harry said monotonously.  
"Weren't you paying attention last night, Harry?" Hermione said, frowning. "Professor Fontaine is teaching Potions now. Snape's finally teaching DADA! So if you ask Professor Fontaine, I'm sure he'll let you into his class."  
"Oh," Harry said. He put down the timetable and rest his elbows on the table, placing his forehead in his hands.  
"Aren't you hungry Harry?" came a hesitant question from Hermione. "You missed breakfast."  
Harry stared at his timetable. Classes. He was back in school doing classes. Which meant study, assignments, essays, reading, effort. He felt overwhelmed just thinking about it. He needed some air.  
He abruptly stood up and shoved his timetable into his robe pocket.  
"Thanks," he said shortly to Ron and Hermione, before hastily making his way out of the Great Hall. He could clearly imagine their dismayed faces as he left.  
The hallways were empty as first period had begun, but he saw Luna wafting towards the grounds and he hurried to catch up with her.  
Without looking at him, she smiled and said, "Hello Harry."  
"What are you doing Luna?" Harry asked, looking up at where she was staring.  
"My books," she said, pointing. "Somebody has stuck my books on the walls."  
Harry glanced to where she was pointing and saw that somebody had indeed ripped her books apart and stuck the pages onto the wall space near the high ceiling.  
"How did they get all the way up there?" Harry muttered.  
Luna shrugged and sighed. "I guess I'll have to borrow the required books for class instead."  
She started walking again. Harry followed her, troubled.  
"I'm sorry Luna," he said.  
"Don't worry. I'm used to it by now. Remember last year?"  
Harry's mouth quirked at the memory. "The shoes."  
"You did help me get them down though, didn't you? In the end."  
Finally, they reached the lake, and Luna sat down near the water, producing some bread. Harry followed suit and pulled out a cigarette.  
"May I have one, Harry?" Luna suddenly asked, concentrating on ripping the bread apart.  
Harry blinked at her, surprised. "Uh, sure."  
He handed her a cigarette and lit it for her before lighting his.  
"I didn't know you smoked Luna," he said, smiling.  
"I don't," Luna smiled back.  
She inhaled and blew out smoke as if she had been smoking for years. Harry blinked at her again but decided that being mysterious was Luna's default. He would probably never be able to fully understand her. But he liked it that way.  
"So you've had a rough morning," she said, her large blue eyes blinking at him.  
Harry brought his knees us and rest his arms on them. He let out a deep breath and gave Luna an exhausted look.  
"Denna's in hospital," he said in a low voice.  
"She tried to kill herself?"  
"Yeah."  
"I'm sorry, Harry," Luna said, laying a hand on his.  
Harry smiled grimly at her and squeezed her hand. "Thanks."  
He let his chin fall onto his chest and he rubbed the back of his neck with both hands, unable to think. Wanting to scream.  
"Why don't we skip today?" Luna said, throwing bread into the lake.  
"Skip?" he raised his head and blinked at her. She turned to look at him and nodded seriously.  
"Take a holiday. You've had it rough for the last 24 hours. I think you deserve it, don't you?"  
Harry raised an eyebrow, amused. "Sure, okay. Let's take a holiday," he said.  
Luna frowned, her face paling slightly. Her big eyes stared at his with such intensity that it made his neck prickle. Harry stared back at her, troubled. Then suddenly her stare softened and she smiled vaguely at him.  
"I think," she said, standing up, "I think we should start with a drink."  
Harry broke off his stare and shrugged off his unease. He took her offered hand and also stood.  
"That sounds fucking fantastic," he breathed.

**-hp-**

_**Thank you **to all who had reviewed. As I said in the last A/N, it is hard to keep motivated and to improve at all if nobody reviews!_

_**Since I received those lovely reviews from you thoughtful readers, I decided to go ahead and post this chapter a bit earlier than usual. **_

_Keep those reviews coming! They are **vital** to keep this story alive. _

_As I said before, **if I don't get reviews I don't know if anyone is reading, which leads to me abandoning this story!**:(_

_(That sounds like a threat, but I swear it's not! **I sincerely mean every word! **_)_

_Anyway, **thank you **also to those who have favourited and followed me or the story (or both)._

_And **thank you** to those reviewers who** suggested or requested **potential scenes and storylines.** I am taking them into account** you know! Not just dismissing them. **So if you want to see something happen let me know and perhaps I will follow through on them**!_

_And as always, hope you enjoyed this chapter, hope it wasn't too short or incoherent, and **reviewreviewreview**!_  
_**  
Signing off,**_


	8. Chapter 8

He was in Dumbledore's office. Seemed almost ridiculous, as if he was in 'trouble', standing agitated in the middle of the vast room with his hands behind his back. He felt like a total dolt, an English schoolboy. Harry quickly folded his arms in front of his chest and ran a hand over his mouth, feeling haggard. Dumbledore smiled at him, his eyes twinkling, but within those kind blue eyes Harry knew was a darkness, a manipulative streak that had caught much of the magical world into the wizard's trap.  
"What am I doing here? Sir?" Harry added the title, feeling somewhat small under the tall man's gaze.  
Dumbledore leant back against his desk. "I wanted to know how you were doing, Harry. And to apologise."  
Harry frowned. "Apologise, sir?"  
"For not keeping in contact during the summer. I have been away on business. Seems like Voldemort's return has compelled me to forgo my plans to bask in the sunlight of Southern Italy and focus on other, far more important things instead." A pause. "Though relaxing on the beach sometimes strikes me as far more important during these stressful times."  
A joke? Harry felt like spitting in the man's face. He was on the brink of breaking, Voldemort was back, Nate was dead, and here was Dumbledore cracking beach jokes?  
Harry felt rage bubble under his skin.  
"I figured you were busy," Harry said shortly. "No need to apologise."  
Apologies did not bring Nate back. Therefore they were useless.  
"Your teachers inform me you were not in any of the classes yesterday, Harry."  
"I wasn't feeling well, sir."  
Dumbledore gave him an amused look. "Understandable."  
A pause. Then, "Is there anything you would like to tell me?"  
Yes. No. Definitely, not.  
"No, sir."  
The old wizard sighed and nodded. "You may leave, Harry."  
"Thank you, sir."  
Harry glanced at the wizard for a minute before turning around and leaving the office.  
That was it? He was expecting Dumbledore to try get him to open up, act like the surrogate father as he always did. In any case, he was glad it was over. He decided to attend his classes today, hoping the boredom would numb his chaotic mind.  
As Harry walked down the empty hallways, he thought back to the day before.  
He and Luna had spent the whole day in the Room of Requirement passing a bottle of whiskey back and forth and becoming steadily more drunk as each hour passed. They talked about silly things, climbed up on the ancient cabinets, and tried on dusty dress robes they found in a mouldy wicker basket.  
Harry had spent those several hours in blissful mindlessness, forgetting Nate, Voldemort, and the Dursleys. Forgetting who he was, what he had to do, and what everyone wanted him to be. He was just as he was. In the present moment, doing shots with Luna off a cursed mirror.  
Harry's lips quirked into a momentary smile before reverting back to a troubled frown. He pushed long strands of hair from his eyes and ran his fingers through his untamed hair. He probably looked as bad as he felt, which was total and utter shit.  
He ran a trembling hand over the heavy bags under his eyes, pulling a comical expression of exhaustion before placing a stony mask on. He would get through this day. He had to. No, he wanted to. He wanted to make himself numb, mentally and physically, so that he would collapse at the end of the day. Harry wanted to stop functioning. Thinking. Moving.  
Essentially, he wanted to run himself down so much he dropped dead. Which was possible at this stage. He hurried to his first class.

**TBC.**

**AN: Sorry guys I haven't been updating! I've had a crazy time over the past few months and my access to internet has been nil. Hopefully I'll have internet again soon so updates can be regular again! Thanks for all the lovely reviews, it makes me really happy when I see that people actually read (and dare I say, enjoy?) this fiction. Check back in a couple of weeks and I'll have alot of chapters ready to go! :) Sorry once again for the long wait. Also, this chapter is obviously not finished. But I thought I should at least post something with this authors note since I feel too bad leaving you without. Hope you liked! Sorry if it was too short. But as I said, more coming soon! See ya till then. :D**

**xox Yuki. **


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